


the season of warmth and dejection

by thenuisance



Category: Original Work
Genre: Ableism, Borderline Personality Disorder, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Original Character(s), Original Fiction, Winter, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:53:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28418661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thenuisance/pseuds/thenuisance
Summary: winter is a season that feels cold, yet it is described as warm. a season that brings out genuine happiness in people. but sometimes eli feels a little lonely, sad even. sometimes he can't help but be envious of people who are constantly happy. smiling without a worry on their mind.
Kudos: 4





	the season of warmth and dejection

winter is eli’s favorite season. 

he really enjoys being able to make food with their siblings, buying presents and wrapping them, making sweets, christmas music, warm pajamas, hot chocolate, christmas movies, dressing up the pets, but best of all? being the sad one who's able to ruin the atmosphere.

  
  
  


_...  
  
_

_is there really fun in the last one?_

_really. what's so fun about your presence being able to provoke negativity from those who you wish to keep close to you?_

_is there really happiness in your existence or validity being debatable during the “happy season”? the fact that your loved ones say you “make them feel uncomfortable”? because you're gay? because you're disabled? because you're neurodivergent? because you're_ **_you_** _?_

_it’s not like i asked to be this. i’d sacrifice anything to be "normal_ _." to be able to enjoy the life i’m living and the presence of my loved ones. to feel real happiness._

  
  
  


winter is a season that feels cold, yet it is described as warm. a season that brings out genuine happiness in people. but sometimes eli feels a little lonely, sad even. sometimes he can't help but be envious of people who are constantly happy. smiling without a worry on their mind.

but winter is their favorite season. even though it leaves a void of gloominess that feels never ending. even though he’s never happy.

  
  
  


but eli likes when it rains, especially on christmas; it feels like mother nature understands him. his family doesn’t though. it’s unfortunate, but he can understand. they’ve never asked, so how would they?

  
  


his favorite thing comes after unwrapping gifts: when they pick up the gift paper and trash. since he doesn't usually get anything, it feels better to clean. being raised female, that’s what he was taught to do; and i guess you could say it just feels natural to him at this point of his life. so rather than wallowing around in such numbing feelings, he adheres to the family dynamic and _does what they were taught._

  
  


winter really is his favorite season though. he loves to see his little brother happy. and he’d do anything to keep a smile on his face. even if it makes the others mad at him, even if they call him names or threaten him with the little things he owns, even if- he could really go on and on, but in the end? when his brother’s happy, he’s the happiest. he feels like he has a purpose and thinks he will be alright.

but this year, it’s been a bit different. 

eli’s gotten sicker and he worries. he worries if anyone would notice if he dies in his sleep. he even thinks about if anyone would miss him and that winter feeling seems to get even colder. he finds it harder to be happy these days. he finds himself becoming more dependent on outside of himself. 

he doesn’t know who he is anymore and that’s what terrifies him the most. the warmth of winter season already seeming to have left. and once again, he feels completely alone. completely shut out from the world. he feels numb and hopeless.

  
  


winter is eli’s favorite season, but it’s a season of protruding dejection.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you've all spent your christmas warm, well, and healthily, thank you for viewing ♡


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